The Marauders Run Again
by RedHeadedWoman91
Summary: I have everything I have missed. I have lost everything I will miss. How can I be happy? I… am… dead…


I saw it coming. I saw the curse coming. There was nothing I could do about it. It was coming and I was leaving.

Antonin Dolohov. The Death Eater who killed me. I fought hard and long but he wore me out and it came. I couldn't hold on anymore.

I… am… dead…

I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't know if I should feel anything at all.

My son… Teddy… whom I have known for a few months… I'll never see him grow up… my son will never know me.

My wife… Dora… somehow I don't think she stayed at her mother's... she's the love of my life and I've left her.

I have left everything behind and now I am nothing. I am nothing, I have nothing, I am nobody.

How could I do this to them?

Oddly, I'm floating. I'm sure that I'm floating. There is only darkness around me see I can't verify this but I just get that feeling. The feeling of weightlessness. I suppose it's a little like flying except that there is no broom beneath me. There is only darkness, endless darkness. It's quiet. I've always liked the quiet though I never really got any, even when I lived alone. That was a long time ago. I lived in a beautiful little house in the countryside. Away from everyone and everything. No one could get to me and there was no one I could hurt during the full moon. But even though I lived alone I was never really alone. Everyday James, Sirius, Peter or Lily would be with me. Or more than one of them usually. I liked having them visit me. I don't like being lonely but I like quiet. It was never quiet when James and Sirius were there but I liked their kind of noise. Peter and Lily liked the quiet as well, and they were quiet with me.

Looking back I wonder if Peter's quietness was because he was already a traitor, or if it was because he just liked quiet. I don't know but I wish I did. It might make his betrayal easier if I knew when it had happened. Then again, it might make it harder. I have no idea. The thought has been gnawing at me for years…

I feel heavier. I think I'm falling. This is what falling feels like. I should know. Are my eyes open or are they closed? I can't tell and it doesn't bother me, though it probably should. I should be panicking that I can't feel if my eyes are open. I'm calm. Calmer than I've ever felt before. If I feel like this for the rest of eternity I don't think I'll mind. It's a nice feeling, calmness, nothing matters anymore.

I think the darkness is lifting. It seems to be getting lighter. And if I can see that then my eyes must be open. It's definitely getting lighter. I think I'm standing upright. It certainly feels that way.

In the distance (or is it near?) I can see figures. Three figures and they're getting closer and clearer. I can't tell who they are but I'm hoping. I'm hoping they're my friends. I want to see them again.

James. I see him first. He's younger than I remember but it's him. The messy, black hair, the slightly crooked glasses, the hazel eyes. Everything is the same. He's walking and he's still got that slightly cocky stride to him. That stride defined him in Hogwarts. His whole look defined him in Hogwarts. But the stride, the swagger, it was the walk of a confidant man. I'd never walked like that. James held himself high and I was forcibly reminded of Harry. The mannerisms were the same. James was smiling kindly at me. He was happy to see me, but there was a misty-ness in his eyes. I started smiling too.

Sirius. I saw him next. He's healthier than he was when I last saw him. His face is fuller, his hair cleaner and slightly longer. Sirius looks exactly how he did at Hogwarts, just a bit older. He walks with a swagger as well and it comes from the same easy confidence in himself. Sirius was always just a little more popular than James, especially with girls, but not by much. Everyone had loved the easy nature of Sirius and that glint in his eye. That mischievous glint that always gave him away. He's smiling as well, though it's more of a grin. And there is that sadness in his eyes.

Lily. I see her last. She's still as beautiful as I remember. Lily walks more slowly than the others, but that's because she's sadder than them. Her bright green eyes are misty with tears and I know that she's wishing I wasn't there, but only because she wants me to be living. Lily is demure, always has been, but she takes it in her stride. Lily may be quiet generally but her temper is something else. It's like a raging sea. And it's scary but she isn't. Lily is looking at me sadly.

James reaches me first and he pulls me into an embrace. Sirius places a hand on my shoulder, looks me in the eye, smiles, and then embraces me. Lily's hug is softer, sadder, gentler, and happy. All of them are welcoming.

Despite everything I've left behind, Teddy, Dora, I am happy. I am with those I lost. I will see my son and my wife again, but for now I am with my friends that I have missed for a lifetime. Even Sirius, whose death was only a few years ago. It still felt like a lifetime. I have been grieving for so long, and I only just began to heal and now I am dead. Everything I love is here and behind.

I have everything I have missed.

I have lost everything I will miss.

How can I be happy?

I… am… dead…

James and Sirius are still smiling, and Lily watches me closely. She was always able to pick up on the little emotions that flick across a person's face. She has caught all of us out at one point or another. She smiled sadly at me, understanding my dilemma. She has been through the same, leaving behind a son. I wonder, then, if they know. Does Sirius know I married his cousin? Do they know I have a son?

I open my mouth to tell them but I cannot speak. I don't know what to say. Instead I cry. I cry for my friends, for my wife, for my son, for my life, for Harry, for everything. I cry until the tears run dry and I can't anymore. They stay with me, comforting hands on my shoulders. I smile at them weakly and they smile back. Suddenly, James and Sirius aren't there anymore. In their place stands a proud stag and cheeky dog. Prongs and Padfoot. Lily is laughing and shaking her head at them. But I love them for it. Somehow, I feel myself changing. I am a wolf. But not as I was. I am like a proper wolf and we run.

We run for hours and hours. Lily isn't with us because she was never part of this. There was only ever the Marauders. The four Marauders, now down to three. I look in front of me and see something coming towards us from the side. The other two have seen it as well but we don't slow down for we know what, and who, it is. Peter, Wormtail. The rat is running towards us. I glance at the dog and then the stag beside me but there is no hatred, just welcoming. It seems all is forgiven and forgotten. Peter catches up and runs with us.

The Marauders are running again…


End file.
